60 Funny Sexual Quotes to Spice Up Your Love Life

In the intricate dance of romance, humor often takes the lead. Funny sexual quotes serve as playful nudges, lightening moods and deepening connections. Whether they’re whispered sweet nothings or shared in cheeky text messages, these quotes touch on love’s delightful absurdities.

Dive into our collection, especially curated for her, him, and those special Valentine’s Day moments that blend love with laughter.

Funny Sexual Quotes for Her

“Why be a snack when with that attitude, you’re the whole dessert menu?”
“Your legs must be tired because you’ve been running through my fantasies all day.”
“Love is an endless act of forgiveness. Forgiveness is the key to action and freedom.” – Maya Angelou
“Sex appeal is fifty percent what you’ve got and fifty percent what people think you’ve got.” – Sophia Loren
“The real lover is the man who can thrill you by kissing your forehead.” – Marilyn Monroe
“You don’t appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman. Stuff you pay good money for later in life.” – Elmo Phillips
“I remember the first time I had sex – I kept the receipt.” – Groucho Marx
“Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.” – Rodney Dangerfield
“I know nothing about sex because I was always married.” – Zsa Zsa Gabor
“Women might be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake entire relationships.” – Sharon Stone
“I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.” – Joan Rivers
“I’m tough, I’m ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay.” – Madonna
“The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing – and then they marry him.” – Cher
“A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.” – Ingrid Bergman
“When women go wrong, men go right after them.” – Mae West
“A woman’s dress should be like a barbed-wire fence: serving its purpose without obstructing the view.” – Sophia Loren
“If you always do what interests you, at least one person is pleased.” – Katharine Hepburn
“I like a man who’s good, but not too good – for the good die young, and I hate a dead one.” – Mae West
“The average woman would rather have beauty than brains because the average man can see better than he can think.” – Unknown, often misattributed to various famous personalities
“I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.” – Mae West

Funny Sexual Quotes for Him

“Is your name Google? Because you’ve got everything I’m searching for.”
“If kisses were snowflakes, I’d send you a blizzard each time you undress.”
“Your smile must be a black hole; it’s irresistibly attractive and has pulled me into its depth.”
“Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go, it’s pretty damn good.” – Woody Allen
“An intellectual is a person who’s found one thing that’s more interesting than sex.” – Aldous Huxley
“I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.” – Steve Martin
“It’s not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.” – Marilyn Monroe, after being told she had nothing on in a calendar photograph.
“Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation. The other eight are unimportant.” – George Burns
“I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them.” – Jay McInerney
“Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty interesting questions.” – Woody Allen
“Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship.” – Sharon Stone
“Love is a lot like a backache; it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.” – George Burns
“Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and just give her a house.” – Rod Stewart
“Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey
“I believe in rules. Sure I do. If there weren’t any rules, how could you break them?” – Leo Durocher
“The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he’s a baby.” – Natalie Wood
“I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.” – Phyllis Diller
“It’s been so long since I’ve had sex, I’ve forgotten who ties up whom.” – Joan Rivers
“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music, and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.” – Henny Youngman
“By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher.” – Socrates

Funny Sexual Valentine’s Day Quotes

“This Valentine’s Day, let’s make a ‘steamy’ memory that outlasts chocolates and roses.”
“Roses are red, violets are blue, I’ve got some naughty thoughts, how about you?”
“This Valentine’s, let’s be the couple that makes others say: Get a room!”
“If love is a game, this Valentine’s Day, let’s score some bonus points in the bedroom.”
“You’re the reason I look down at my phone and smile – and then walk into a pole. Happy Valentine’s Day!”
“Roses are red, violets are fun, tonight I want you to be my number one.”
“On this special day, let’s cuddle more than usual, laugh a little louder, and let the sparks fly a bit higher.”
“Valentine’s Day: when love and chocolate meet, and calories don’t count.”
“Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are my thoughts of you… in the bedroom.”
“I want you wrapped up in a big bow this Valentine’s Day.”
“Candy is dandy, but you’re the treat I really want to eat this Valentine’s Day.”
“You’re the naughty thought I thank the universe for every night.”
“Every day with you feels like Valentine’s Day, just a tad naughtier.”
“Love is in the air, and something else too, given the naughty smile you’re wearing!”
“Roses are red, so are your lips. Let’s sit down, relax, and seal this Valentine’s with a kiss.”
“You’re like a fine wine, getting better with time, but tonight, let’s skip the glass and go straight to playtime.”
“They say that Valentine’s Day is commercialized, but with the right person, every cliche feels a little risqué.”
“Chocolates melt, roses wilt, but the heat between us never seems to quit.”
“Let’s make this Valentine’s a blend of candlelight dinners and mischievous grins.”
“On Valentine’s, they say to follow your heart, but I’d rather follow you to the bedroom.”